urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree wasshefree wasshefree 2008-04-24T06:33:32Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:7418 2008-04-24T06:33:32Z 2008-04-24T06:33:32Z fuuuuuuuuuuck<br />my life. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:7114 2008-03-21T05:24:47Z 2008-03-21T05:24:47Z I'm going back to SMFA, Boston in September.<br />And I don't know what's going to happen when I leave...<br />But I'm going to make the best of it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:6820 2008-03-04T03:40:02Z 2008-03-04T03:40:02Z Oh.<br /><br />So I've been a bit of a busy body with making things lately...<br /><br />Unfortunately, for the most part I've only been starting the projects...not so much finishing them.<br /><br /><img src="http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a251/collisterco/Photo1.jpg" /><br /><br />That is only a closeup of the goldfish. For details.<br /><br />Today I did start and finish something. It's hanging over my bed because my walls have been bare and driving me nutsssoooo<br /><br /><img src="http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a251/collisterco/IMG_1622.jpg" /><br /><br />I suddenly felt inspiredddd =)<br />I had somewhat of a revelation earlier today, since I've had so much time to myself to just think about stuff the past few days...and I realized that right now I'm really happy with that part of my life. Like really truly happy. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:6483 2008-03-02T16:19:49Z 2008-03-02T16:19:49Z I want another tattoo...but i can decide what of...<br /><br />I've been in bed sick for like five days now...since which I've had a fever or three, swollen tonsils, upset stomach, and massive headaches...preeetty sweet.<br /><br />I'm pretty much bored out of my mind at this point. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:6399 2007-12-18T05:57:12Z 2007-12-18T05:57:12Z Charlotte Russe is going well.<br />I like everyone there<br />I'm done christmas shopping yayyy!<br />I only spent, like, $700....aka almost all of my money ha<br /><br />I hung out with Jess todayy and she went with me to get my hair cut (so short!)<br />pictures soon<br />I'm happy with it though ha I don't hate myself like i usually do after a haircut<br /><br />woo urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:6114 2007-11-22T05:59:24Z 2007-11-22T05:59:24Z I'm an idiot urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:5693 2007-11-22T05:21:55Z 2007-11-22T05:27:10Z Assassin's Creed&gt;Colleen<br />Guitar Hero 3&gt;Colleen<br />Halo 3&gt;Colleen<br />Awkward/boring friend who lives 10 minutes away&gt;Colleen<br />Gamerscore Points&gt;Colleen urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:5147 2007-11-02T15:25:55Z 2007-11-02T15:25:55Z Colleen has a jobbbb<br />at Charlotte Russe in the mall<br />I start today. 3-close.<br />moneymoneymoneymooneeey urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:4905 2007-11-01T17:34:34Z 2007-11-01T17:34:34Z I really wish I knew what I was doing with my life. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:4814 2007-10-28T00:20:24Z 2007-10-28T00:20:24Z So Anthony's new job SUCKS.<br />He worked 9pm to, like, 3 last night...he picked me up at 3:45am and we both slept at his house until like 1pm today.<br />Then today he had to meet one of the other people at a rest stop on the parkway at like 630 and he won't be back at his car until 5am, then he's sleeping here and he won't even be here until 5:30 or 6 probably...if his car doesn't get towed.<br />It's a little bit fucking ridiculous.<br /><br />Jasmine stopped by my house last night. I hadn't seen her in foreverrr and it nice talking to her again.<br /><br />Today we went out to dinner for my dad's birthday.<br /><br />Josh's birthday in four days.<br /><br />Halloween in five.<br /><br />Life after high school is sooo boring. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:4587 2007-10-26T05:51:03Z 2007-10-26T05:53:23Z IIII can't sleep I'm so boooored!<br /><br />Anthony got a job. Working for his ex girlfriend's dad.<br />It's good money though, so I'm happy for him.<br /><br />I can't wait until I recover completely and can get a job. I need money and something to do with myself.<br /><br />Halloween is coming up and I don't know if I'm excited or not.<br /><br />Freehold is a ghost town now. It's just me josh helen and anthony.<br /><br />My mom hates me. Surprise.<br />She only wants me to be away at school so I'm not here to get in her way.<br />So I basically live at Anthony's house now because the DiCaro's are a real family and they make me feel like a part of it and it makes me feel like I belong somewhere, unlike my house.<br />Anthony's mom even told him that I'm like family now, and it made me feel really good and almost makes up for my family sucking so much and really not giving a shit about my best interest or what makes me happy. I really love that Anthony's family sits down together almost every evening and has a homecooked meal together. They all actually love eachother and I'm so jealous that they got to grow up with that and I never got to feel at home in my own house like that.<br /><br />I wish I could sleep. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:4223 2007-10-20T06:08:20Z 2007-10-20T06:08:20Z So I came home from the hospital this morning...surgery was weird...<br />Well not so much the surgery, but the drugs they give you to knock you out before the surgery...i dont even remember leaving the holding area to go to the OR...the last thing i remember is the guy telling me he was putting the stuff in my iv and the next thing i knew i could hear all the stuff going on in the recovery room and my stomach fuckingg hurting and zolo's mom's voice (she was one of the nurses in recovery), then i guess i passed out again and i finally woke up in my hospital room in less pain than the first time i woke up...<br /><br />Whenever anyone visited me the two days I was there, though, i would be asleep and wake up with them standing over me ha...like the first people to come in were anthony and his mom, and i was sleeping and i heard anthony say "is it okay to wake her up?" and i woke up real fast haha he and his mom brought me a cookie cake that they made, and ant wrote "surgey (yes, surgey haha &lt;3) wasn't so bad" on it in that gel stuff they make for cakes...it was really cute haha...<br /><br />then yesterday helen and tom post came in when i was sleeping, which i wasnt really expecting haha...it was really nice seeing them though.<br /><br />but yeah there were lots of needles AH while i was there...that was soo not fun haha but im really glad to be home..<br /><br />Rocco has been guarding me, ha, i'm sleeping in the tv room and hes sleeping in here with me and whenever i get up to go to the bathroom or something he follows me everywhere i go, and whenever he's been on the couch with me he's been really gentle. i think it's really cool how dogs can tell when theres something wrong like that...like he can tell that i'm weak and in pain or w/e like my he was on my lap before and he was being really gentle almost like he knew that my stomach hurt...hes such a good puppyyyy haha i cant take it! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:4093 2007-10-13T06:47:19Z 2007-10-13T06:47:19Z 5 days until surgery. <br />who the fuck cares. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:3750 2007-10-07T03:38:46Z 2007-10-07T03:38:46Z Mortality is becoming more and more real to me every day lately. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:3354 2007-10-07T03:30:40Z 2007-10-07T03:30:40Z Dear Freehold Borough High School Students/Graduates,<br /><br />Please stop fucking dying in motor vehicle accidents.<br /><br />Love, Colleen urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:3096 2007-10-03T16:22:22Z 2007-10-03T16:22:22Z It feels like it's just falling apart and there's nothing I can do about it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:2915 2007-09-22T01:04:07Z 2007-09-22T01:04:07Z so i was in the ER all last night in boston...<br /><br />apparently i have a birth defect where my right kidney grew in in a weird place, so the tube that connects that kidney to my bladder is blocked off or something. most painful thing i've ever experienced- nottt exagerating.<br /><br />so i have to get surgery to either open up the tube more or to get the kidney taken out all together. i am currently on percaset (sp?) and i'm so glad that it's working. i've been in a ridiculous amount of pain for the last two days and it's really great to have it go away for 4-6 hours at a time...<br /><br />so my mom drove up the hospital in boston last night, and we both ended up spenind the entire night there. so we left this morning, got back at like 2-ish...anthony came over for, like, two hours...went to hang out with his friend chris til god knows how late.<br /><br />and now helen and josh are stopping by in a bit to see how i'm doing.<br /><br />i'm probably dropping out of school this semester because of how much time i'm going to be spending in the hospital here in jersey, so whoo it worked out for me somehow. ha urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:2800 2007-09-19T03:03:27Z 2007-09-19T03:03:27Z ...can't sleep.<br /><br />had watercolor today...i like that class.<br /><br />art history tomorrow...i dont want to go. i hate it.<br /><br />shitty mood today. it just seems like every decision i make fucks things up, no matter how small the decision is.<br /><br />ughhh =(<br /><br />i just wanna go home. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:2509 2007-09-18T00:05:11Z 2007-09-18T00:05:11Z so the next 2-3 weeks are completely up in the air and i hate it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:2086 2007-09-17T00:53:55Z 2007-09-17T00:53:55Z Just got back to the apartment in Boston...<br />weekend was okay. kinda shitty though, cause my parents told me that i had to stick out this semester at smfa before i could come home or anything, or i could drop out and come home now or whenever i want before the end of this semester and they would cut me off financially and i would have to work fulltime for god knows how long just to put myself through brookdale.<br /><br />So basically I'm stuck here until December...i hate it.<br /><br />But aside from my parentsss, the weekend was pretty good...<br /><br />I got to the metropark station late wednesday night, and when i came down the stairs from the train platform anthony was waiting in the tunnel thing for mee and he was dressed all cute and he had rachel straighten his hair the night before so he looked all classy and it was nice to see him first thing when i came down the stairs...<br /><br />then i slept at his house that nighttt and his mom made us egg sandwiches in the morning...and then i slept at his house again on thursday night and on friday we were supposed to sleep at my house but that was the day that my parents were like hey we're assholes go be unhappy in boston all by yourself, so i was pretty upset and anthony decided that we would take a long walk from my house back to his (allllll the way across townnnn hahaha), it actually made me feel a lot better. so then we made chocolate chip cookies from scratch when we finallyyyy got to his house lol and they were really good...then we slept there again. saturday my family was at a wedding in PA so ant and i hung out at my house and kept the puppies company and we both tried to do our homework, then i went to wawa with helen and josh for a bit, and then ant and i slept at my house last night. then this morning the two of us went out to breakfast...we just went to a diner, but it was pretty good. <br /><br />thenn...i had to leave. for boston. and noww i'm miserable again. until the next time i can come home for a weekend. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:1995 2007-09-12T15:53:42Z 2007-09-12T15:53:42Z So today is kind of busy, but also a lot of waiting around.<br /><br />At 1:45 I have an appointment with academic affairs to make sure I can transfer studio credits from brookdale to smfa next september and shit.<br /><br />Then at 3:00 I have an appointment with some stupid councelor because my mom won't let me come home unless i talk to one, like it's going to all of a sudden make me ready to be off on my own.<br /><br />THENNN at 5:40 my train leaves for New Jerseyyy and I'm spending the weekend with Anthony to make up for our six month anniversary last weekkk !!<br />I'm really excited for that<br />But my train doesn't get to metropark until like 10:30 =(<br /><br />Oh well ha this weekend is gonna be nice. I won't be all by myself for the first time in almost two weeks! =D urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:1769 2007-09-11T11:40:14Z 2007-09-11T11:40:14Z I woke up feeling like complete shit today.<br />I'm so fucking hungry but who knows if I'll feel like walking into the kitchen and grabbing something anytime soon.<br />I have watercolor today with the chillest/most ridiculously fucking longwinded teacher...which means i'll probably get out of her class late.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />bleh. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:1470 2007-09-10T16:56:50Z 2007-09-10T16:56:50Z I have one hour til class...<br /><br />i've spent the past two hours finding stuff out about leaving, going to brookdale, and transferring back next year...<br />my mom is being ridiculous about the whole thing. I honestly don't know what she needs to think over...like i understand that we invested a lot of time and money into me going to school up here but we can still get all our money back from the school (we have until september 25th) and it's not like i'm going to come back next year anyway.<br /><br />Like i dont get why she doesn't understand that I just need another year at home...I'm not ready. It's really not that complicated. She's just making me so fucking pissed and making me stress so much about the whole thing and she's pretty much just dragging it out when I just want to get it done and overwith.<br /><br />She sees that I'm serious about doing this- I've been getting all the information, doing everything I can to convince her that this is what I need to do. I need another year at home. She sees how upset I've been every single day since I've been here and she just won't let me do what I need to do.<br /><br />I'm absolutely determined to come back home. And she's an idiot if she drags all this shit out past the 25th because I'm still going to come home no matter what, and she might as well get all her fucking money back. <br /><br />The whole situation right now is stressing me out soo much, like there's so much shit that this is depending on and it's really making me sick to my stomach and I just want to go home and be finished with all of this. I can't be here right now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:1065 2007-09-09T14:59:25Z 2007-09-09T14:59:25Z So I'm hopefully coming home and going to brookdale sometime soon.<br />i have a few things i have to take care of up here first and i still have to completely convince my parents to "let" me, but my mind is made up and i'm spending another year or so at home.<br /><br />I have to. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:wasshefree:824 2007-09-06T21:29:07Z 2007-09-06T21:41:41Z so i'm all moved in and classes started this past tuesday...<br />i think i like my watercolor class so far, and my art history seems like it's going to be really hard...idk about my digital photography class yet ha i was supposed to have it for the first time today but they cancelled it today for some reason...<br />monday i will have foundation photo 1<br /><br />my family is coming to see my apartment and shit tomorrow afternoon, then they're leaving boston sunday morning. im not really all that excited about it.<br /><br />i don't think i was ready to move so far away from home just yet...i hate knowing that it's a six hour train ride if i want to go home. and, really, i like boston as a city, but i dont really think i like actually living here. i also suck at making friends on my own.<br /><br />like i made all my original friends between like kindergarten and 4th grade...its easy for little kids though; you find someone who wants to run around with you in recess and you're good to go. then as i got older my friends and i made friends together...i've never had to make them when i was alone before and i completely totally suck butthole at it haha<br /><br />like the only person i'm "friends" with up here is my roommate steph, and i think that's only because neither of us have anyone else to hang out with. we dont really talk about much...we walk around the city and get lost and shop sometimes together. nothing that really involves talking.<br /><br />i'm starting to think i shouldve gone to brookedale for a semester, gotten my grades up a bit, then re-applied to uarts. Philly is far enough away that I can learn to live on my own, but close enough that i can come home really whenever the hell i want and i can see people that still live in freehold (ie. anthony, josh, helen).<br /><br />I have no one to talk to or hang out with out here and I hate it. No one in any of my classes so far seems all too friendly, so it makes it even harder for me to try and meet people.<br /><br />so, unless i suddenly make a whole bunch of really amazing friends out here(reallyy not likely), or anthony ends up going to school somewhere up near here, i'm mostly likely transferring to uarts for the spring semester.<br /><br />I think it would be a lot better for me to live in a dorm as far as meeting people goes. So, again, at Uarts it would be that much easier for me to make friends, plus I could hang out with jess and i'm sure she'll have some really awesome friends by the winter and it just seems like it would be so much fucking better. <br /><br />I was so eager to just get the hell away from Freehold and I really hate myself for it now.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />on a lighter note, today is anthony+my 6 month anniversary.<br /><br />actually scratch that lighter note thing this entry still sucks.<br /><br />it's our 6 month anniversary and we are what feels like a million and three miles away from eachother.<br /><br />I think today is the first day since I moved up here that I haven't cried.<br />But I may just be speaking too soon. Wouldn't be surprised.<br />I'm leaving next thursday night to take a train back to jersey and i am spending the weekend with him and i'm really excited to see him. i just hate that it's a whole week away.<br />my life just basically sucks right now. I really really really fuckinggg hate it and I just want to go home and for things to go back to normal.